MY PATH TO IN_POWERMENT
How I Reconnected With Me Again
So this is me... when I started to embody my joy again. It was 2 years ago, when I was 38 and starting to let go of the mind made madness that had covered over my consciousness and led to years of internal rejection, mental anguish, sadness, grief, pain and anger that I felt most of my life, stemming from when I was 6 or 7 years old and began to disconnect from my true self. I had felt intense loss and disconnect which led to deep suffering and desperately searching for someone to love and accept me for me. Feeling unlovable and stuck, I was a magnet for more pain and suffering through a series of painful relationships that ended in deeper dissatisfaction. I longed to be free of this feedback loop of suffering but you can not be free externally if you resonate with pain from within.
I tried to find someone to make me feel better but after feeling unloved and not fully accepted, it was impossible to even begin to understand how to attract and maintain a connection with a man or woman who was joyful and present. I was deeply entangled in my painful past and fearful future. As everything is felt within, all must be dealt with, within and once the dark icy heart of shame is held to the light, it evaporates. Speaking my truth was intensely liberating and freed my access to my inner power, setting me on a journey of liberation and love.
I started to feel my joy more through personal work and research, going inward to understand my pain's root cause and highly sensitive nature and how they shaped my mind and my behaviour. To allow my awareness of the daily beauty of life, to grow. Through trauma experts Gabor Mate and Dr Bessel van der Kolk, I began to understand and disconnect from the past and empower my present by listening to or reading enlightened teachings from Eckhart Tolle, almost daily. I became more aware of the power to bring that empowerment to my 'future' now through the knowledge of Dr Joe Dispenza and his techniques to reshape and adjust your path. By becoming aware of your repetitive thoughts and breaking this limiting pattern thus embodying a new way of being. I spent 3 years learning, researching and embodying new ways of being that resonate with my depths and freed my authenticity.
Now my past is purging, my present is positive and my future is fulfilling. I know my path, my passion and purpose are to help others heal themselves as I have. Though my background is not in the mental heath nor medical field, I come with deep understanding from living with depression and anxiety. I act as a guide and mentor sharing empowering steps for all who are ready to transform. Understand that no one else can ever heal you, not even a doctor, as it is your own body's system and the processes it performs that heal you, reconnecting you to your internal power to feel whole. Your whole BEing - body, mind, spirit, energy, presence, love - the entirety of YOU, is the magical entity that can connect you with a now so beautiful, you lose attachment with the perpetually painful past and how it is replayed in your life, limiting you and you begin to live authentic to your essence - the love, light and peace within.
For those ready to BE THEMSELVES and LIVE WITH JOY, book a call with me now. Lets go within, to realign with our authenticity and express boundless creative potential NOW.
EMBODYING YOUR POTENTIAL
In_Powerment - Inner Peace Through Empowered Presence
This program offers tools, techniques and insights from my own personal experience and others inner journeys out of deep depression and intense anxiety. I share how my personal discoveries about how my highly sensitive/empathic nature and experience with childhood emotional neglect shaped my world and the ways I embody my authentic self by accepting my unique way of being and honouring my needs and desires. You can learn to be boundless by going into your essence, the deep I within where all life is connected and is intimately and intensely felt and experienced. Understanding that true empowerment comes from within and through inner and outer connection.
If you would like to hear my story and share yours, to clear the clutter which covers your creativity and contentment and find access to your innate joy, come with me to the present, where all is found within and where this moment, the only moment we ever feel, is increasingly magical.
All is love. Go within to be, do, live, give, see, feel, create, experience and share more NOW. Embody your purpose and live with passion, free from the trauma and restrictions of your past.
TRAUMA AND THE EGO
How trauma can lead to long term suffering - traumatised people have been disconnected from their body and trapped in their mind state. They've lost contact with their true state of being due to the trauma which left them with a sense of shame, disconnection, loss, pain... and living outside our authenticity. The pain/suffering/hurt that ruminates inside the mind and which becomes a programmed way of being. Disowning and disconnecting from our body and staying in the surface/egoic nature of life makes it imperative to realign within, with the body and with the deep I - the consciousness underlying all life and more aware and heightened than thought. The UniversALL Intelligence.
As we grow, we are learning and becoming aware of our feelings, emotions and unique needs. We are learning how to be ourselves and how to interact with the world, how to process and integrate new understanding. Yet to maintain our imperative attachments to carers who may be unconsciously re-enacting their trauma with us thus threatening our relationship with them, we can second guess and disconnect from our needs and live a fractured life of insecurity and imbalance. Prioritising our connection with others over connection with our unique selves in an undermining way can lead to decades of half living by not BEing ourselves fully.
The life force that is housed deeply within our being, which is our very essence and guide can be covered over and detached from - so we lose connection with our authentic natures. This loss of authenticity long term can lead to great detachment from being and lead us off our rightful paths and from those we love until we are honest with ourselves and realise that we are not living how we desire, That we are living in our egos - giving form more power than what is within us, the one life energy that animates all life.
BREATHE IN THE NOW
We may go years, even decades not feeling and living how we deeply desire to exist, to BE instead living in a state of stress, detached from our innate joy endlessly reliving a long gone momentary past that insanely never ends. But the beauty is that we are always able to reconnect with the present moment, to open ourselves up to what IS in the now through AWARENESS.
That all the pain and suffering we may have felt, valid or otherwise, real or imagined, dissipates the instant we let go of what we allowed to hold us hostage. To trap our minds in those painful pasts and feared futures through conditioning. For some, this release from the past can be instant and long term, though for others it may take degrees of shift that lead to a large long term release of a former state of being.
Letting go, releasing the attachment with the past, is profoundly freeing and instantly allows us to be here now, in the only moment we truly need and can connect with. We become free from our old patterns of behaviour, our old beliefs or ways of being. We immediately reconnect with what is and free our state of being to truly appreciate and connect with what is in this moment.
That is not to say we will all have an awakening like Eckhart Tolle and become free of our egos ever more, but we can still broaden our awareness of now connection or presence empowerment and release the old patterns of behaviour that kept us trapped in sadness or grief, fear or loss. Of comparison and less or more than.
And it is here, in this heightened aware state, that we ALLOW ourselves to live open, connected, creative, joyful, free lives where our INFINITE abundant potential is always accessible. That flows from the very source of all life throughout all energetic expressions of life, outwardly from within to our surface life - that which is seen. Like our awareness of the universe's literal expansion. Remember, all that really matters is unseen, like the energy itself that animates all life, and how we feel in the now that creates our overall experience of life. As above, so below.
If you're traumatised, if you only think about the pain from your past, you are literally reliving the past in your endless present. A vicious loop of pain. But this does not have to be the case. I know from my own own traumatic childhood, where I experienced 2 life threatening events which hospitalised me as well as molestation and disconnection to my true self, that despite living decades in the same loop of pain, seeing counselors and psychologists, I EMPOWERED MYSELF by being aware and present more and more. By reconnecting within and with others and expressing my authentic self creatively, freeing my truth.
Stepping back from the painful circle of thoughts and realising the REAL ME is the CONSCIOUSNESS AWARE OF THOUGHTS. Behind them, deeper and higher with an aerial and intimate view of my life experience. And from this place of deeper consciousness and higher awareness anything and everything is possible. I can create ANYTHING with awareness and belief and proactive and directed action and truly BE ANYWHERE. As can and do we all.
For anyone to get any where they want to, all you need to know is where you want to go and figure the best way there as you walk the path. Just keep walking and adjusting, bringing awareness to your ever present now, NOW.
I don't share this part of my history to strengthen the story in my mind, but rather to illustrate the path I was on and the journey I took to get to this present moment. I want to share this so you can see how disconnected internally I was and how far off my rightful path I had wondered, yet ultimately how all it takes is reconnection with NOW to be. To release the 'past' and accept what is in this moment. To let it BE and realign with the beautiful energetic life animating your body as it flows through you.
For me, ruminating on the past kept me stuck in the mind madness which needs to be released through awareness and presence and listening to and expressing your authentic self. That is where my program can provide the guidance needed for anyone feeling stuck yet have a little seed of hope - of faith that there is more to life than they have experienced so far, despite the feeling of loss, less than or even for some, life long yearning for love.
SHAME AND DISCONNECTION
I had some big traumas as a child - when I was 5 or 6 I had facial sugery for a cyst which scarred my cheek, fell on my chin leading to decades of jaw issues yet to be remedied, I was molested age 7, felt rejected emotionally by my mom and completely separate and disconnected from my dad. I was hospitalised twice age 7 and again age 9, for 2 life threatening events, and repressed my sexual self leading to long term issues and disconnection from my authentic nature.
I started to hate myself intensely and this self hatred led to highly inflammatory skin disorders rosacea, eczema and psoriasis for which I felt rejected and ridiculed by others. I had extremely detrimental orthodontistry starting at age 15, leading to 8 teeth being removed against my ignored and repressed gut instinct, and which led to exacerbated and severe TMJ issues that potentially may lead to facial arthritis as I age... adding to my sense of vulnerability and threat. Yet, I kept all of this to myself for decades, not wanting my truth to be to be further rejected.
I felt a sense of loss and insecurity and desperate NEED throughout my life which culminated in spending the decade of my 20's with only 2 friends, one of which was my first boyfriend at age 27 and led to accepting relationships that were either very controlling or at their worst, abusive.
I went from career to career, trying graphic design, photography, architecture, naturopathy... but nothing healed me nor filled the painful dark hole that had consumed my connection with life and seemingly swallowed my joy.
A large aspect of my journey was the fact that due to feeling such intense shame and uncomfortable being open and speaking my truth, especially with family, I felt all I could do was retreat. Being so open and vulnerable was impossible. Terrifying after feeling such intense and undeserving rejection and controlling behaviour from my parents, particularly my mom.
And so I moved into the background more and more and isolated in order to try to run away from the pain. I became less and less myself, more trapped in this version of who I was that was not who I really am, and more fearful and closer to suicide, a common theme from age 17 til just 3 years ago. Along with my needs, I suppressed my wants and desires and didn't reach out to my parents for help more than in a small way over a decade after my deep disconnection from my inner being manifested in intense desire to die. Being so close to death many, many times meant it was impossible to mention this pain as I was not wanting to hurt them, especially if I did end my life after sharing my truth.
So this pain only grew as the lesson and wisdom in it was never listened to - was never even heard. Instead, my inability to let myself FEEL meant I literally had a pain scar covering this innate wisdom - numbing and restricting me and allowing the old repetitive undermining behaviours to strengthen and take hold of my way of being leading to living a half life, afraid more of living than of dying and shutting down my dreams and desires.
Then all of a sudden, decades had passed and I was still in that depression, that anxious state worried about how my truth would affect others and putting their needs above my own. It was an endless mind mess until I opened to my inner desire and the universe placed 2 incredibly beautiful and present, kind and connected, interested and attentive beings on my path who gave me freedom to speak my truth. And in doing so, release the burden of shame I had carried for decades. Who shifted my perspective so greatly that I started to FEEL my own innate JOY and to resonate with it, more and more, compounding its frequency and bringing it forth from within and towards me from the surface all at once.
I now UNDERSTAND the absolute beauty of KNOWING MY POWER TO CREATE. Knowing that I can guide my surface life while also adjusting to what is, being a portal and connecting my inner and outer world. WE are that powerful. We exist in a realm that is more aware than other animals, where we can go above thought or below it through differing conscious states.
And it is by stepping back from the thoughts, the stories we tell ourselves and the repetitive behaviours, that we become more aware, more open to receiving the energetic life force that flows through and animates all life. Where we are more ALIVE. Where we become more present and less encased in our egos. Where creation can flow more freely as humans move from thought based doers to presence aware beings. And more conscious manifesters, creating lives in greater alignment both inwardly and outwardly.
Though this may sound intense, heavy, even overwhelming, it is in fact freeing and opens up endless possibilities of new creation, deeper connection, higher awareness, more intense love and compassion for ourselves and each other. For ALL BEINGS, bringing into existence, as Bruce Lipton has spoken of, heaven on Earth through allowing each of us beings more space and freedom to be. It all starts from within. Go there with love and compound that resonance as you allow it to flow out to all.
This program was modeled on my personal journey out of my deeply oppressive depression and given substance through the inspiring people I interviewed who broke free of the limitations they had allowed to take hold of their lives. We are ALL awe inspiring and limitless once we open our essence to ALL LIFE. Join us and BE ALL your DEPTHS DESIRE which is ACCESSIBLE INSIDE YOU NOW.
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